In-flight magazines and online shopping websites are filled with amazing travel gadgets. They’re often designed by people who love travel, and they’re created to help us overcome the obstacles that we face on our journeys. Unfortunately, some of these creations will either create such discomfort — or such horrified stares from passersby — that you should probably avoid them. Check out these seven travel tools that no one really needs.
1. The Ostrich Pillow
Everyone wants to nap in peace at the airport, but it’s often tough to find a comfortable position. It’s also tough to shield yourself from the lights and from the noises of your fellow travelers. Well someone designed the Ostrich Pillow to combat just that issue.
Unfortunately the pillow is a padded, alien, helmet-like covering that only leaves an opening for your nose and mouth and will leave the other people at the airport waiting for you to stop them and say, “Take me to your leader.”
2. Disposable Underwear
No one likes to keep track of dirty laundry while they’re traveling, so some travelers recommend wearing disposable underwear. These aren’t absorbent undergarments for people who refuse to go to the bathroom in the woods. They’re actual underpants made of moisture-wicking fabric that you can toss in the garbage at the end of the day and feature pockets.
We know everyone needs to make room in their suitcases for souvenirs, but these products hardly seem necessary. And as for the storage pockets — do you really want to take your passport out of your briefs in front of that nice lady at the ticket counter?
3. Wi-Fi Detector T-Shirt
If you’ve ever had the strange desire to start glowing whenever you’re near a Wi-Fi hotspot, then you can buy the Wi-Fi Detector Shirt from ThinkGeek.com. This shirt features a Wi-Fi icon that starts glowing anytime you’re near Wi-Fi access. Or better yet, just check your phone for nearby networks so that the people walking past you don’t think you’re radioactive.
4. Body-Laptop Interface
If you’ve been thinking that the only way to cover up your laptop on the plane is to wrap yourself in a suffocating burka, then at least the orange Body-Laptop Interface only covers your head, your laptop, and your hands. The price you’ll pay for privacy, in addition to having your face wrapped in hot yarn, is looking like you’re being eaten by a wayward, boxy, crocheted anaconda. Or as Engadget wrote, “The Body-Laptop Interface is knitted from thneed which nobody, Nobody, NOBODY needs.”
5. Emergency Toilet
The ladies are always at a disadvantage when it comes to going to the bathroom in atypical places. For ladies on the go, the Shewee is a urine collector that slips into your underwear so that you can pee into the funnel-shaped cup. It seems like getting it in position wouldn’t be too difficult, but extracting it — without spillage — would take some doing.
Also, for men who can’t find a handy place to relieve themselves, there’s the Peebol, a bag filled with crystals that transform in a biodegradable gel once you urinate on them. Just don’t hand your Peebol to your stewardess. We’re begging you on behalf of all flight attendants everywhere.
6. Jetlag Goggles
Jetlag is no fun, but neither is having people run away from you screaming as you walk down a crowded street at night. With your Re-Timer jetlag goggles, you’ll either look like Cyclops without his protective shield or like an underworld demon with glowing green eyes.
The green light is designed to trick your brain into thinking that it’s day even when it’s not. However, it might be better to deal with jetlag the old fashioned-way — by being miserable for a few days — instead of having frightened residents drag you into a dark room for an exorcism.
7. Carry-On Vest
Of course you don’t want to pay to check an extra bag; no one does, even after saving money on tickets through lowfares.com or Flights.com. However, wearing a Rufus Roo carry-on vest, which transforms you into an extra carry-on, probably isn’t the answer. You might get your items onto the plane, but you’re never going to fit in your seat while you’re wearing this pocketed contraption. More than likely, you didn’t make it to the plane. You were detained at security while the guards inspected each and every compartment of your vest, plus a couple of extra compartments you wish they hadn’t.